I love put downs and insults … providing, of course, they are clever or witty. So I thought I’d publish a few that I have collected. here’s a beaut that has just floated my way.
George Melly to Mick Jagger: Your face is very wrinkled.
Mick: They are laugh lines.
George: Nothing is that funny!
Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust.
– – – Lord Byron
Scotland: That garret of the earth – that knuckle-end of England – that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.
– – – Sydney Smith
Oats: ‘a grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people.’
– – – Samuel Johnson
Scots have a right to be proud. They live in the largest county in England.
– – – Yours truly (with tongue in cheek)
I have enjoyed both my visits to Scotland. The third time I tried I was put off by the polar bears.
– – – Hugh Jambton.
Britain is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.
– – – Jackie Mason
England, the heart of a rabbit in the body of a lion. The jaws of a serpent, in an abode of popinjays.
– – – Eugene Deschamps
English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.
– – – Fred Allen “Treadmill to Oblivion”
I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn’t trust an Englishman in the dark.
– – – Duncan Spaeth
The English think soap is civilization.
– – – Heinrich von Treitschke
The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.
– – – Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.
– – – Heinrich Heine
DON’T WRITE TO CONVERT THE DUMB, THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE. WRITE TO INSPIRE THE INTELLIGENT.