I love put downs and insults particularly when they are witty or clever. I will be insulting several groups of people on this blog, but as I am fair and English (the two DO go together) I will start with insults leveled at the English.

“Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril bitch.”

King Lear by William Shakespeare


Britain is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.

– – – Jackie Mason

England, the heart of a rabbit in the body of a lion. The jaws of a serpent, in an abode of popinjays.

– – – Eugene Deschamps

English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

– – – Fred Allen “Treadmill to Oblivion”

I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn’t trust an Englishman in the dark.

– – – Duncan Spaeth

The English think soap is civilization.

– – – Heinrich von Treitschke

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

– – – Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.

– – – Heinrich Heine

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